A funny thing happened when I was pregnant. I was complaining to one of my best friends about the fact that I would accidentally pee a little all of the time – just like a leaky faucet. And her response was “get used to it, this is your life from here on out.”
Of course, I asked her why she never mentioned this before and she said “if we told you what pregnancy was really like no one would ever have babies!”
And as I progressed through pregnancy, birth, and then caring for a small baby, I realized that there are quite a few lies that moms often tell each other. Maybe it’s on purpose to convince you that motherhood is glorious, or maybe they’re just forgetful. Regardless, I think new moms deserve to know the truth.
So I’ve compiled this list of the things I’ve been told by other moms that are completely false – enjoy!
7 Lies That Moms Tell Future Moms
1. “You can just sleep when they sleep”
This is the lie that annoys me more than anything. Unless you have two parents that are caring for the baby or you have help around the house, sleeping when your baby sleeps is damn near impossible.
This is the only time of the day when you’re not feeding your baby, changing diapers, rocking them, playing with them, listening to them whine, or trying to keep them from getting into all of your shit.
Naptime is when you can finally get around to showering and brushing your teeth. You can do the dishes and the laundry. You can attempt to get some work done or respond to emails. Or you can just zone out and scroll through Twitter in peace and quiet.
My baby is 6 months old and still takes 4-5 naps per day and it’s really rare that I actually nap with him. In fact, he’s dozing right next to me while I type this and I wish I was sleeping instead!
2. “My baby sleeps through the night”
This lie makes me the angriest because if your baby isn’t a great sleeper (like mine) you’ll feel like you’re doing something wrong. But when you ask more questions they’ll usually say “oh well I do a dream feed at 10:00pm and then another at 3:00am and then she wakes up at 5:30am”. Oh so you mean she DOESN’T actually sleep through the night?
On average my 6-month old baby wakes up 3-4 times each night and then is up for good around 7:00am. He’s been a crappy sleeper since he was born and I haven’t had the heart to sleep train him. We try to start him out in his crib but inevitably move him to our bed and bedshare for the rest of the night.
It’s not ideal, obviously, but it works for us. So do what works for you and don’t listen to other moms who claim that their baby sleeps through the night – they’re probably not telling the whole truth.
And if your baby actually DOES sleep through the night – like 7:30pm – 7:30am then ugh I’m so jealous, drink an extra glass of wine for me tonight to celebrate your amazing accomplishment!
3. “I loved being pregnant”
Excuse me, come again? What kind of monster are you? How in the world anyone could love getting fat, being tired all the time, feeling uncomfortable in any and every position, only allowed to sleep on your left side, not being able to shave your own legs, peeing a little when you laugh, and having fiery heartburn after every meal?
Of course, there are also the things that you’re not supposed to have when you’re pregnant – like caffeine, alcohol, cured meats, sushi, soft cheeses, and partially cooked eggs. You can’t work out like you used to, none of your clothes fit, and strangers want to touch your belly and/or give you unsolicited advice.
If you read that list and think to yourself “that all sounds lovely”, then you don’t love wine or food or fun and we can’t be friends, sorry.
4. “I don’t even remember how bad my birth experience was”
Yes you do you liar. It was horrible. But the joy of having a baby makes the pain and suffering worth it.
Recovering from a c-section was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. My husband had to haul me out of bed to go to the bathroom because I was in so much pain. It’s amazing that women don’t die given the amount of blood that we lose through our vaginas after birth.
And the first poop you take is very scary. I would imagine it is 100 times worse if you have a vaginal birth and tear. None of it is pleasant and anyone who says any different is lying to you. Or they are a psychopath and you should stay far far away.
And even after all of that, I am SO EXCITED to get pregnant again soon. I know I’m likely going to have to have another c-section and it’s going to be even more painful than last time (due to cutting through scar tissue). But I don’t care – totally worth it for our baby to have a little sibling!
5. “My husband is so helpful”
Okay so yes, husbands are helpful and my husband is also helpful. But any woman who is bragging about their husband in the first few months after giving birth is probably lying. Because the thing is, your baby only really needs mom for the first few months. And your baby will NEED you. ALL OF THE TIME.
And no matter how helpful your partner is, it will never seem like it is helpful enough. Because if you are breastfeeding, it will be you who needs to get up multiple times each night for feedings. And it will be you that needs to pump in order to go anywhere without your baby. And even if you do go somewhere on your own, it can’t be for long because your boobs will be so engorged.
To think that you won’t feel some amount of resentment toward your partner initially is a pipe dream. It’s impossible. So pour yourself a big ol’ glass of wine and complain to your closest mom friends because I guarantee they feel exactly the same way.
6. “You’ll probably want to cover-up when you breastfeed in public”
No you won’t because you know why? You’ll be hot as hell. You’ll be hot and uncomfortable, your baby will be hot and uncomfortable, and together you’ll just be a stinky, sweaty, unsightly pair.
I would rather be completely topless in a packed restaurant to feed my baby than to attempt to cover-up. Being that hot and uncomfortable takes away any joy that I might feel about being out and about.
And if anyone has a problem with you feeding your child in public, it’s them who should feel ashamed, not you.
7. “Your life won’t really change when you have kids”
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Liar!